Growing up, I was an average guy. I used to be a skinny nobody who did not have any sense of self-worth, nor had any clue as to why I was so unhappy and insecure.
I always seeked validation (we’ll talk about how this at length when I discuss trauma on a separate newsletter), so I developed a likeable personality by ways of humor, intelligence, and being an agreeable person.
After all, it’s your personality that makes you attractive right? I believed that too.
But if developing a personality was actually the cure for my insecurity and lack of confidence, it would have made me secure. But it didn’t.
I frequently thought about things like,
“Why am I not the popular kid in school who everyone wants to talk to?”
“Why does my college crush not like me back but likes someone else?”
“How come some people easily get other people’s attention but I have to work so hard for it?”
I did not understand at the time what I do now.
Why your Physical-being Matters
Sure, there are facets of people’s personality that one can perceive as attractive, but it’s only a part of the puzzle.
No matter how good your personality is, it manifests itself through YOU. The physical you. And if the physical you is lacking, then your personality alone isn’t enough.
Still with me? You see, human beings and their senses can’t be fooled (pun intended :P).
The first step of any human interaction (even through social media), is visual. The very first instance that someone sees you, or you see them, they understand a lot about you, and you do about them.
Your subconscious collects a ton of information about everyone you encounter.
From how someone dresses, what phone they use, which car they got out of, to how they walk, how they speak, and whether they look healthy or not.
All of this information, and more, is sensed, collected, and processed in real time. You seldom think about these things consciously, but it does happen, and immediately forms judgements, biases and opinions in your psyche.
Think of it this way—you meet someone for the first time and they are fat. It tells you about their dietary indiscipline, versus if they look fit and have well defined arms—it tells you about their discipline and that they have worked hard towards it.
First impression, is indeed the last impression.
Now back to my story.
One of my biggest insecurities throughout my school and college life was being skinny and underweight. I used to avoid wearing t-shirts with loose fitting sleeves that exposed my skinny arms and preferred wearing shirts, jackets, and hoodies to cover them up.
This was something I did subconsciously, without even realizing it.
Think about it. We all have our own ways to mask our insecurities that we are not fully aware about.
You might do it with the use of money, distractions like porn, drugs, or something else.
All these mask your symptoms, but do not fix the source of the problem —your physical self.
Your physical self and its health is the biggest determinant of how you feel.
Healthy body, healthy mind.
I was aware of my problem and tried hard to gain weight, but it was futile because just eating a lot will not make me gain weight—at least not in ways that one would want.
Only years later did I understand that muscle mass was the weight I was after, and the trajectory of my life completely changed after I focused on building muscle (will discuss in detail in upcoming editions).
Gaining muscle helped me fix my insecurities better than developing a personality ever could.
My physical being then started complementing my personality instead of taking away from it.
This was the phase in my life that kick-started my self-improvement journey, the learnings of which I want to share with you to help you improve your life as well.
That’s why I’m doing this.
Thanks for reading this far, I appreciate your time, and I shall see you here next week!